Since my mind is already on the end, I want to spend this letter reflecting on some of what I have experienced during this year. I have been able to see from being out here the importance and not de-humanizing the "enemy". This may be confusing, so I’ll give an example. There was a time a few months ago when I went to a young-adult worship service at a local Egyptian Presbyterian church. I first said hello to Niveen, a Palestinian woman, and graduate student at the Seminary. I worked with her in the library this past year. She is a member of a Lutheran church in Bethlehem, and has told me that the Lutheran service in Palestine is almost the same as the worship in the US, except that it is in Arabic.

I then sat down. My Egyptian friend Isaac, who helps to plan and lead this worship, has arranged to have someone translate. He went to tell him that I arrived. I then saw that the translator is also someone I know from the seminary. It was Mofeed, a Syrian Christian, who is also a graduate student at the Seminary. He is a good man, and speaks very good English. Unlike most of the Egyptians I have talked to, and some of the Americans, he supported the US war in Iraq. He recently wrote a thesis on the church in Syria (Syria, like most nations of the Middle East, has a Christian population).

After the service, I then saw my good friend Waseem. Waseem is an Iraqi student at the seminary. He is from a church in Nineveh in Iraq. Like most Iraqis, he despises Saddam, but he has also seen the difficulties that the war has caused on him and his family. I remember how excited he was when he came up to me and told me a few months ago that he was finally able to speak to his family in Iraq. International telephone service was one of many things disabled during the war. He has told me horrifying stories about Saddam’s sons, and what they used to do. He has also told me about the difficult place the church finds itself in in Iraq.

An example is that about 6 months ago, Waseem was telling me about the difficulties of being an open and inviting church in Iraq. US soldiers serving in Nineveh wanted to go to the church and pray. This was during a time of fighting, so the church was concerned that armed US soldiers in the church may make the church a target of attacks. The church made a decision that it should welcome the soldiers to the church, but it must insist that they enter unarmed. Armed soldiers may give the militias that were fighting against the US the impression that the church might be military target. Of course, this was something the soldiers could not agree to in a dangerous environment. Churches in the US have the same challenge, but to a lesser degree, of deciding how to keep the church safe, yet welcoming.

All three of these people come from countries that have been classified as enemies or terrorists. These people, like most in their countries, are clearly not terrorists. If we are to subject ourselves to the same rules of stereotyping, we must consider Americans to be terrorists as well (remember Oklahoma City?). Most people in the world want the same things: food, shelter, self-determination, and a better future for their children. The number of people who turn to "terrorism" is small, and those who believe in attacking based upon country of origin, rather than on facts about the person, is even smaller. It is my hope to visit my friends in each of their home countries sometime in my life. This includes Iraq (when it is safe), Syria, Palestine, and to return to Egypt as well.

I have struggled a lot with knowing my place in Egyptian society. Egyptians are well aware that the US has different cultural rules than Egypt. What is difficult for them to realize is that there are many differences within the US as well. The same is true in Egypt. In general, the culture in Egypt and the Middle East is becoming more open. This is very different that the perception I had before coming to Egypt. I have heard about an increasing number of women wearing the headscarf. This is true, but the trend is opposite in many other ways. The media like to point out increasing fundamentalism and extremism, but the truth is that the culture in Egypt is becoming more Western.

One example is that there is a small number of single women moving away from their families to start careers. This is something almost unheard of 5 years ago. The normal rule is that a woman must live with her family until she is married. This means that a woman in a city with high unemployment, like Minya, will have a difficult time starting a career. Now there are examples of some women moving to Cairo and living in their own apartments, so that they can start a career. Families are slowly starting to accept this idea.

Another change is that women are now able to be in public with other people away from their families. The old rule is that women can not walk in public with a man, unless the man was her father, brother, or husband. This has already changed tremendously. I visited my friend Essam’s University in the city of Benha (on the delta between Cairo and Alexandria). There it is normal for men and women to associate together, although they can not hold hands or be alone (out of public view). Some of my friends in Minya still do not accept these changes, so I asked my friend Essam about this. He told me that he believes that satellite TV has done a lot in promoting this change. People in Egypt are seeing that men and women talking in public is healthy and harmless.

This leads me to a problem for me: When can I break cultural rules, and when should I keep them? This is a difficult question since many Egyptians expect me to break some rules since I am American, but it is my responsibility to also show that I accept Egyptian culture and don’t think that following their customs is beneath me. I have faced these questions many times.

Alcohol is a good example of this. I have been offered alcohol many time when I been invited to the homes of Christian friends. I don’t have a problem with drinking alcohol, but even among Christians in Egypt, it is often not acceptable. After prayer and reflection, my decision was that I must not be the one to break the cultural rules. This means that I will go against what is normal if I am alone with people who have already broken the rule before meeting me. I should not be the one to change Egyptian culture, or to be the reason for changing culture. Cultural change is healthy and normal, but must be done by the Egyptians. If I am with a friend who drinks wine with guests, then I will often accept a glass of wine. I have declined when I have been in the guest of people who don’t normally drink with guests, but specifically offer me alcohol, often because the host has seen this on American films and TV.

It is more difficult with how I should associate with women. I can live without alcohol, but it is difficult for me to accept not talking to someone just because she is a woman and not with the appropriate relative. It is easier at the universities. The people there often have already decided to change the rule, so it is no problem for me to follow the new rule. Sometimes it becomes more difficult.

Last week, I visited a married couple. Both the husband and wife are friends of mine. The husband had to run some errands. This put him in a difficult situation. He is an "Upper Egyptian" as he calls himself. This means that he is from the south part of the country, where cultural rules are slower to change. His views about associating with women, especially his wife, are very traditional. This being said, my friend had to decide between three options he did not like.

My friend decided to offer me a choice between option 2 and 3. He even encouraged me to stay at his home. It was them my choice. My first choice of option 1 was not acceptable to him. I them insisted on option 2. This is because I know that my friend was only offering for me to stay at his home because I was an American guest. He did not freely decide to break the rule himself. He knows that me and his wife both don’t agree with the rule, but he needs to see that I respect the rule because I respect him. I can give him my opinions and reasons why I believe what I do, but I feel the best way to help him to see my point-of-view is to show him that I will consider and respect his point-of-view. Needless to say, having to make these decisions without an intimate understanding of the culture is very stressful.

My parents visited me last month. It was strange seeing them after 9 months, but it was a visit that I really enjoyed. My mother always said that they would visit me, but I thought she was joking. It was not until my friend Omar visited them after returning from seeing me in Egypt, and sent me an email telling me that they sounded serious, that I really considered that they would come. This is because my mother was worried about me going to Egypt. I can understand this. The news media only talks about terrorism and protests against the US when it mentions Egypt. Fortunately, she believed me when I told her the truth about Egypt being safe and friendly. I hope they enjoyed their visit. On Saturday I travel with my friend Juan through the south part of Egypt. We might experience temperatures of over 120 degrees there. In other words it should be fun. Neither of us have been there yet, and we both leave Egypt soon.

I am already feeling sad about leaving, although I miss my friends and family in the US. It is strange how my thoughts about being here have changed over time. I started out loving Egypt. It peaked in December. At that time I was sure I would come back and live here. It was followed by a crash at the end of the month when I realized that some of the ways they treated me, which until then I thought were temporary, become difficult for me to accept. I then proceeded to a low point after I returned from a conference in Jerusalem in April. At that point I was ready to leave, and had enough of Egypt. It has slowly moved back up as I have been able to get people to accept my desires to walk in public without a friend protecting me, and my desire to not have my friends pay for me every time I go shopping with them. I now feel that it has taken me a year to make this progress, and now it is time to leave. I don’t know about my future yet. I would definitely consider returning to Egypt. I also know that I enjoy living abroad enough that I will likely leave the US soon after the New Year.

Thank you for all of your emails and encouragement. I look forward to meeting with many of you after I return on August 11.

Peace,

Rob